OK, so you're
single and survived the holidays, right? For many, December can be
a tough month. The days get shorter, the weather becomes biting,
and venturing out of the house to socialize is that much more of
an effort. On top of all that, it is the time of year that summons
a feeling of togetherness. Families gather, friends come out of
the woodwork, (sometimes those you haven't spoken to in ages), and
co-workers get chummy, even if just for some fleeting holiday
cheer. But, you may be thinking, what's all the festivity worth if
Mr. or Ms. Right is no where in sight? While romance may not have
bloomed for you in the midst of the snow flurries, frantic gift
shopping, office parties, etc., now that all the Christmas dust
has settled, the new year represents a prime time to pursue an
active social life. In fact, each season offers its distinct
advantages, but for now, let's talk about "winterizing" your love
life.
January is
self-rejuvenation month. People get introspective, including
myself, and typically take stock of their lives to assess where
they're at both personally and professionally. As The Love Coach,
one of the exercises I have clients do is to make a list of those
qualities they are seeking in a mate, along with a list of their
own personality traits and interests. By so doing, it gives you an
opportunity to assess your own strengths and weaknesses and see
how they might stack up against those of a potential mate. More
often than not, people come to realize that they are seeking too
much, and that their "laundry list" of qualities needs to be pared
down. It doesn't mean you're compromising your standards, but
you're being realistic.
It's also helpful to
examine your interests to see which you are actually pursuing.
It's amazing sometimes how much we actually think we are doing
because life feels so full at times, yet part of the excitement of
life is to try new things, experiment, and take risks. This is
especially true when you are trying to meet someone. It is
critical to break old patterns. You must make the time and
commitment to yourself so that you can explore some new
directions. This can be as simple as walking on a different side
of the street as you head to work, or it can mean finally signing
up for that golf or scuba diving lesson you've always wanted to
try. You need to get into the mindset that the same energy you
dedicate to your career and other aspects of your life warrants
investing in social pursuits. You don't want to obsess about
finding someone, but you do need to actively put yourself out
there, in the right places, so that it is more likely to happen
for you.
What does that mean?
One approach is to go where you'll find the opposite sex in
numbers. Women should pursue sporty or outdoors activities.
Consider taking a share in a ski house or going on a ski trip, or
join an indoor volleyball league, take tennis lessons, etc. Men
should attend a singles theatre night at such places as Second
Stage Theatre and Roundabout Theatre in NYC, and seek out other
cultural activities like a film or dance class, museum outing,
etc. These are always female-dominated. If you need a winter
break, consider a trip to Club Med or try a singles cruise. Club
Getaway offers one periodically -
http://www.clubgetaway.com/
Check out the
following links of various socializing groups and
activities worth exploring,
http://www.socialcircles.com/
http://www.dripcafe.com/
http://www.whytravelalone.com/
http://www.nassaumuseum.org/
http://www.talkingmovies.net
hhtP;;,www.swissskiclub.com
http://www.docsparties.com/
Now that you have some idea of where to go, let's get your socializing skills in shape. The week of February 11, 2001 is International Flirting Week (which, of course, includes Valentine's Day). I'm going to help you gear up with some tips to get you in prime flirting form.
How To De-Freeze Your Flirting Skills:
TIP #1: HAVE A
PROP
Breaking the ice is
never easy when you see someone you would like to meet. That's
where having a prop comes in. Props come in many sizes in shapes.
The point is to have one that will catch someone's eye. For
example, women might consider wearing an interesting pin, scarf or
t-shirt with a distinctive logo or design. Imagine yourself at a
gym, doing your workout, and because of the wording on your
t-shirt, a man approaches you because perhaps he went to the same
school, also loves that pop group, adores pets, etc., etc.:
depending on what your t-shirt reveals about you. A man might wear
a distinctive tie or hat. Dogs, too, can be a great prop. Dogs are
"people magnets," and the right dog can work wonders. I've
witnessed people stopped in the street because they were walking a
cute dog. Once I even visited a Dog Run in NYC and saw tons of dog
owners mixing and mingling as their dogs ran wild in a fenced
in area.
TIP #2: MAKE THE
CONNECTION
What good is trying
to flirt if the person you're flirting with has no idea he or she
is the object of your interest. You must make direct eye contact
and smile, so that you've made the "connection" and it becomes
clear that you are trying to get his/her attention.
TIP #3: PROJECT
OPEN BODY LANGUAGE
When you make the
effort to go out to socialize, it's important to look
approachable. This does not mean standing with your arms crossed
staring down at the floor or into space. You should either keep
your arms at your side or hold a drink and look about the room,
preparing to make eye contact with an interesting stranger. Don't
surround yourself with friends. That's a good way to scare someone
off.
Tip #4: GO FOR THE
COMPLIMENT OR CHUCKLE
When you're not sure
how to kick-off a conversation with someone new, consider paying a
compliment or making them laugh. If you can make the other person
feel good about themselves or enjoy your sense of humor, you will
look all the more appealing.
Tip #5: PUT ON
YOUR LISTENING CAP
Silence is golden
when it comes to dating. If you're out with someone or even
beginning a conversation with someone new, the key is to show
you're interested in them. The best way to do that is to be a
great listener. You want to be just inquisitive enough so that you
engage them in conversation, but you don't want to ask for the
"verbal resume." Allow them to share while you focus your
attention on them so that they feel as if they are the only person
in the room.Armed with all the
above advice, you will soon be all set for the week of March 19 --
National Spring Fever Week so go forward and
enjoy!!
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