But,
before one can lead a fruitful social life, it is
important to realize that sex appeal is very subjective.
What is sexy to one, is not necessarily sexy to
another.
Sense
of humor, good looks, and earnings potential are some of
the traits that can make a person appealing. But, in
fact, one of the greatest turn-ons is the ability to lend
an ear.
We've
all heard the expression "Silence is Golden," and this is
especially true in bustling NY. Those in search of a
mate, actually may find that silence can actually be "Red
Hot."
Flirting
is the ability to relate to others, and allow them to
relate to you. This includes demonstrating a willingness
to be a good listener.
Listening
can be an acquired skill. You can learn to become one of
the world's greatest listeners with a little effort and
desire! While you may have the gift of gab, part of being
a good conversationalist is knowing when to put a cork in
it and give someone else a chance.
A
Love Coaching client of mine told a story of how he met a
woman he liked, and took her out on a first date to a
romantic restaurant, gave her flowers, bought theatre
tickets...basically sparing no expense to make the
evening special. He enjoyed himself immensely and
couldn't wait to see her again. When he called her for a
second date, much to his surprise she declined his
invitation, citing his lack of consideration for her.
Apparently, he spent much of the evening talking about
himself and work, in particular. He was so busy worrying
about potential lulls in the conversation that he
dominated the entire discussion.
There
are several morals to this story. One is that, as the
song goes, "Money can't buy you love." Second is that
just because you have a good time on a date, it is not a
given that the other person reached the same conclusion.
If you spend the whole evening talking about yourself, it
might have been amusing for you, but a one-sided
conversation is a quick route to rejection. Self-centered
chatter gets you no where fast. (Think of being stuck in
gridlock traffic in a NYC cab when you're in a hurry. You
have no control over the situation, so patience must
prevail.)
There
is no stronger way to show interest in someone than by
being inquisitive and focusing all your attention
earnestly on them. At first meeting, your questions
should not be overly probing, however, since you don't
want to be offensive. Some New Yorkers tend to be
guarded, anyway, so you especially want to proceed with
caution. The objective is to indicate that you'd like to
get to know them better, and this is best accomplished
patiently over time. Don't ask for the "verbal resume."
Be curious, but not nosey. There is a difference.
Some
of the best relationships are based on friendship, which
means indicating to someone that you care and want to
hear about their goals, likes, dislikes, needs, and
desires. Remember that making conversation is a two-way
street. And -- in the unspoken language of love, silence
can go a long way toward establishing a happy, fruitful
relationship.
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