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"Silence is Sexy, Especially in a Noisy City Like NY"

As any New Yorker will acknowledge, and especially those who are single, life in the big apple can be an overwhelmingly stressed out, noisy, and cold place. However, it is at the same time exciting and full of opportunity for successful socializing.

But, before one can lead a fruitful social life, it is important to realize that sex appeal is very subjective. What is sexy to one, is not necessarily sexy to another.

Sense of humor, good looks, and earnings potential are some of the traits that can make a person appealing. But, in fact, one of the greatest turn-ons is the ability to lend an ear.

We've all heard the expression "Silence is Golden," and this is especially true in bustling NY. Those in search of a mate, actually may find that silence can actually be "Red Hot."

Flirting is the ability to relate to others, and allow them to relate to you. This includes demonstrating a willingness to be a good listener.

Listening can be an acquired skill. You can learn to become one of the world's greatest listeners with a little effort and desire! While you may have the gift of gab, part of being a good conversationalist is knowing when to put a cork in it and give someone else a chance.

A Love Coaching client of mine told a story of how he met a woman he liked, and took her out on a first date to a romantic restaurant, gave her flowers, bought theatre tickets...basically sparing no expense to make the evening special. He enjoyed himself immensely and couldn't wait to see her again. When he called her for a second date, much to his surprise she declined his invitation, citing his lack of consideration for her. Apparently, he spent much of the evening talking about himself and work, in particular. He was so busy worrying about potential lulls in the conversation that he dominated the entire discussion.

There are several morals to this story. One is that, as the song goes, "Money can't buy you love." Second is that just because you have a good time on a date, it is not a given that the other person reached the same conclusion. If you spend the whole evening talking about yourself, it might have been amusing for you, but a one-sided conversation is a quick route to rejection. Self-centered chatter gets you no where fast. (Think of being stuck in gridlock traffic in a NYC cab when you're in a hurry. You have no control over the situation, so patience must prevail.)

There is no stronger way to show interest in someone than by being inquisitive and focusing all your attention earnestly on them. At first meeting, your questions should not be overly probing, however, since you don't want to be offensive. Some New Yorkers tend to be guarded, anyway, so you especially want to proceed with caution. The objective is to indicate that you'd like to get to know them better, and this is best accomplished patiently over time. Don't ask for the "verbal resume." Be curious, but not nosey. There is a difference.

Some of the best relationships are based on friendship, which means indicating to someone that you care and want to hear about their goals, likes, dislikes, needs, and desires. Remember that making conversation is a two-way street. And -- in the unspoken language of love, silence can go a long way toward establishing a happy, fruitful relationship.



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