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Anyone can get married. However, the state of matrimony is no great accomplishment. The real challenge is to be married and happy. Before you attempt to meet a mate, you must take a look at yourself and be reasonably content with who you are and what you've done thus far with your life (even if it hasn't turned out exactly as you had planned). You might have heard the saying before: "We make our plans, and God makes his." However, if you're not happy with yourself, you can't expect someone else to make you happy or even want to be with you. A happy single person can be a happier married person, assuming you choose the right mate. So, live fully in the present day....whether it's Valentine's Day or otherwise.

Feeling good about yourself includes your appearance. If you wish you could lose some weight and want to be proactive about it, join a gym, get a treadmill or go for walks with a friend. If you want to update your wardrobe and don't know how, consider visiting a personal shopper at a department store. They are there to make suggestions and help you make flattering fashion choices. If you want to change your hair or makeup, look through some magazines and cut out pictures that you like so you can show them to a hair stylist. Many department store make-up counters will periodically feature trained makeup artists who are there for the day doing makeovers. You might consider trying something like this to get some new ideas and have fun. Just know that first impressions are important, and you want to put your best foot and face forward.

I once did a Love Coaching session with a man named Tim in his mid 30s. Tim worked in an administrative capacity for a government agency and was very unhappy with his job. He had been there for 10 years, and while his salary was decent, he was bored and didn't feel he had much to aspire to at his current location. When he came to see me, he was having no luck getting a date. He was going to singles dances and couldn't get one phone number from a woman who interested him. He would make an attempt to initiate a conversation, but as soon as the conversation turned toward his career he would clam up and get defensive. Inevitably, for better or worse, often when we meet someone new, the normal inclination is to inquire about their profession. It's a common starting point for getting to know someone. Understandably, someone might feel insecure if they're not happy with their work or if they feel they are being judged personally by what they do professionally.

In this instance, it became evident to me that I could give Tim a list a yard long of great places to socialize, but the real problem was his lack of self-esteem because of his job insecurity. While I did make some socializing suggestions for him, the primary recommendation was that he focus for now on rewriting his resume and potentially seeking out a new position. Until he felt good about himself, he would continue to be insecure around people who might engage him in a discussion about his employment. He has since focused on his career and is on a better path to personal contentment, recognizing he needs to make some changes in his life in order to invite love in.


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